i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
