the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
