Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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