I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
