I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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