i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
