Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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