how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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