you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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