you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
