One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
