Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
