So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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