More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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