I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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