Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
