this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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