I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
