Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
