Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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