I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
