i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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