It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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