How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
