I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Drunk walkin through police station. America
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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