I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
