Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
