Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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