Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
