I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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