Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't deserve a penis
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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