My brain says no but my pants say off.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
