So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
