Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
