do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
