you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
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You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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