I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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