Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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