Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
