we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
