Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
pray to the hookup gods
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
