You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
zippers are such a cool invention
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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