Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
