I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
