Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
