i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
