If that was your dad, he is hot
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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