I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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