youre lurking in front of me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I supernannyed him into submission
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.