White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
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You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..