Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together

Fav 36 6310 1964
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(303): View more from Colorado

I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff

Fav 2 3112 1055
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(479): View more from Arkansas

Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.

Fav 11 1180 3402
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(661): View more from California

We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.

Fav 22 1054 3990
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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(425): View more from Washington

We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.

Fav 5 1963 1165
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(519): View more from Ontario

I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."

Fav 14 4870 1151
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(913): View more from Kansas

Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...

Fav 15 1153 2413
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(248): View more from Michigan

I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.

Fav 0 596 450
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(406): View more from Montana

I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.

Fav 1 31 9
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