Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?

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(480): hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener? http://tfl.nu/98l9

Replies (77) Good night (5560) Bad night (603)
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(406): View more from Montana

The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.

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(406): The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots. http://tfl.nu/c5g4

Replies (10) Good night (2152) Bad night (790)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.

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(814): First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half. http://tfl.nu/df8e

Replies (27) Good night (4338) Bad night (1022)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it

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(978): oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it http://tfl.nu/dcde

Replies (5) Good night (2936) Bad night (900)
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(330): View more from Ohio

He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating

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(330): He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating http://tfl.nu/fig2

Replies (7) Good night (2712) Bad night (2377)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.

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(503): I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours. http://tfl.nu/1oq1

Replies (3) Good night (1580) Bad night (610)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.

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(336): I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done. http://tfl.nu/4ilz

Replies (13) Good night (997) Bad night (3053)
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(831): View more from California

She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester

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(831): She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester http://tfl.nu/csr6

Replies (13) Good night (1601) Bad night (535)
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(845): View more from New York

I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.

(845): View more from New York

I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"

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(845): I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home. (845): I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip" http://tfl.nu/e0kb

Replies (7) Good night (1893) Bad night (370)
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(541): View more from Oregon

How are you feeling?

(1-541): View more from Oregon

Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.

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(541): How are you feeling? (1-541): Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am. http://tfl.nu/yuas

Replies (8) Good night (312) Bad night (590)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.

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(405): All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head. http://tfl.nu/p2id

Replies (2) Good night (502) Bad night (241)
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(519): View more from Ontario

but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it

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(519): but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it http://tfl.nu/i5c8

Replies (0) Good night (566) Bad night (227)
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(240): View more from Maryland

I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me

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(240): I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me http://tfl.nu/mac9

Replies (3) Good night (614) Bad night (233)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?

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(910): I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know? http://tfl.nu/6v52

Replies (0) Good night (361) Bad night (242)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year

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(864): Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year http://tfl.nu/8srd

Replies (1) Good night (353) Bad night (163)

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