Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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