Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize