She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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