So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
