suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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