i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
