Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
