yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
