my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
