I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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