recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.