I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'