when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO