you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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