oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
