He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
