I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
