You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Your cock deserves a montage
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
