We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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