We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Someone signed my nipple.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
