Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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