life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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