Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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