i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have aggressive nipples.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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