fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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