He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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