She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
